Wednesday, December 12, 2012

the three year old

If you could have shown me these pictures three years ago when I was in the throes of breast feeding and sleep training I wouldn't have even been able to comprehend it. That the earth would spin so rapidly creating days that would fly right off my calendar into the abyss and that my little tiny babe would turn into the girl that I know and love even more today.

That first born child is like a science experiment. You hypothesize, test and theorize only to be proven completely wrong, and then you just throw your hands up and admit that you just don't know. 
You swore that you would not be that mother. 
That you would be chill.
That whatever this creature threw your way, you would roll with the punches and laugh it off.
Your heart though. Oh, your heart. She has it and when she cries you want to cry.
And don't let me forget your hormones. Oh, your hormones. 

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With all of the experimentation that comes with the territory of being a firstborn there are also the aspects of time and undivided attention. I remember there were days, DAYS, and hours upon hours that Lael and I would spend in my bed. I would nurse her, we'd sleep, I would eat, I would nurse her, I'd stare at her, we'd sleep, and on and on until my husband would walk through the door and we would be, I kid you not, sitting in the same position in bed where he had left us that morning. I tell you, this is beautiful time and attention that only gets given to the firstborn. Savor it, and for the love, please don't wish it away.

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So, if you're a first time mom and you're reading this and you're about to lose your mind over your baby's sleep schedule or you feel like the biggest slob ever because you haven't showered in two days and it's 3:00 in the afternoon and you still have on your maternity yoga pants and your husband's t-shirt, or you're feeling guilty because you just ate 7 chocolate chip cookies after dinner because you're so dang ravenous from your child literally sucking the life out of you, just stop. 

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Stop and remember that this is a season. And that it's a very, very short season.

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That soon and very soon you will look back on these sleepless nights and days and wonder how they got away so quickly. That they will be some of the sweetest times of your life.

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That there are thousands of women who would do just about anything to feel like a walking zombie, who would pay almost any amount of money to pacify a fussy baby, and who would love nothing more than to agonize over the pains of breastfeeding.

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Eventually your baby will sleep. She will get enough to eat. You will lose your weight and you won't always go days and days with your dirty hair in a bun and black circles under your eyes.

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Forget the books and let her nap on you. Give her a pacifier and rock her to sleep. And if you need to give her a bottle, give her a bottle.

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She won't remember these days, but you will, so let your firstborn blessing be just that.

Soak in this season, look ahead to the next and hold on tight 'cause it's a wild ride.

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12 comments:

  1. This is such a sweet post, thank you for sharing! We are expecting our first (a little girl) in about a month and a half and I will remember this post through all those first moments with my first born.

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  2. this is such a sweet post. it rings so true in my heart, i'm about to have my second any day now and feeling very emotional about my first born. missing those days with her when she was first born, can't believe she's going to be 3 soon. i want to bottle her up, i don't want her to grow up anymore. :)

    you're so right, cherish these moments. because they are fleeting, they are momentary.

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  3. Thank you for this!

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  4. Kelli this brought tears to my eyes! I was one of those first time moms just a few months ago who just wished my baby was a few months older so he would sleep better, be more active, start walking, etc.... now at 10 monts, walking and sleeping like a champ I just wish he was that sweet little wee baby that I could cuddle with - not try to get down and walk every time I pick him up. You are right, it goes by ENTIRELY TOO FAST and I tried to soak it in, yet then before you blink it's too late. Love this post and it's a reminder that even though my too-soon walking 10 month old is acting like a toddler, he's still a BABY and I am going to bottle up every sweet moment with him :)
    Congrats on baby girl #3! Excited for you and Jewitte too! YAY
    -sandi

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  5. I'm over here teary eyed. Precious post. Precious baby girl (who will always be the baby girl, I don't care how old she gets) Precious thoughts and lessons. It's going by way too fast.. all of it!!

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  6. Extremely well said! My little girl is two and Im 25 weeks pregnant with her baby brother. We spent many days in bed, being lazy, loving on one another as well. I remember those days like they were yesterday and I would give anything to relive one more of them because I know it won't be the same when my son gets here. But my time with him too, will be cherished. She will always be my baby girl, but it is very stressful/exciting/nerve wracking to think about having another soon! Love this post...thanks!
    Kari from SC

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  7. This came at the perfect time. My first baby was just born 8 days ago and I'm experiencing everything you mentioned in this post. Mostly the sleep deprivation and the woes of breastfeeding... Thank you for reminding that this is just a season and soon she will grow up & I will be longing for the newborn stage.

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  8. Just stumbled upon your blog with a search for a scripture. Beautifully written. My little boy is 18 months now, and has been ill from birth, some nights I want to cry because I can't get him to sleep, and I am going to lose my mind. But I cherish all that cuddle time, and the beauty that is him. He is growing way to fast, and my heart breaks, and soars in each change in him. Thank you, thank you, for reminding me tonight. Life is beautiful.

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  9. I love, love, love your blog. You word things beautifully, and you have a beautiful family. I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old, but this is what I needed to hear.

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